when i was borned, my parents gave me the chinese name 'Hui Li' hoping that i would grow up as the word 'hui' suggests, 'intelligent', and 'li', to be 'pretty'. this gesture might seem somewhat simplistic, but the sentiments were there. however 5 years later, when my sis was borned, they consulted some chinese fortune teller/wise man of some sort who calculated stuff like her 'sheng cheng ba zi' and whatever else to give her a good name. that was that, and neither my sis or i give two hoots about how our names were derived.

lately, however, my mom has been obsessing with our names. she's an avid believer in DIY feng shui and the like, and all that browsing in the chinese philosophy/divination section must have inspired her to DIY our names to give us better lives too. she says, 'san fen ming, qi fen yun', meaning 30% of our lives are determined by our actions, and 70% rests with fate or destiny.

so she was like a lil busy bee, feverishly flipping through almanacs, scribbling notes in her beautiful but messy (unreadable to me) chinese penmanship, and drawing tables with numbers, counting with her fingers and toes and scratching them out when they dont add up.

then one night, she pulled me aside and showed me her notebook. there are many 'tests' you have to do on the characters of your name to determine if it's a good or bad one. it includes combining your surname with your first given name, your first given name with your second given name, and finally, all three characters together. and they will then still have to be compatible with your 'sheng cheng ba zi'.

each combination of characters mean something, and to cut to the chase, i have a TERRIBLE life. everything about my life is bad. bad bad bad. yknow how good fortune/luck is called 'ji', and bad fortune/luck is called 'xiong'? well, mine were all 'xiong xiong xiong'. every single last one of 'em.

from what i can remember of the description she wrote for each combination, the gist of it is this:

• unsuccessful future in terms of work and finances
• rough life full of bumps and stumbling blocks
• troubles will come one after another, or incessantly
• no one to share problems with
• have no inclination to share problems with others anyway
• will suffer alone
• difficult to get along with people
• will die of either brain haemorrhage, failure of internal organs, sudden tragic death like an accident, or prone to suicide

so hey, makes you suddenly realise just how sweet your life is, doesnt it? ;)

i was spooked, no shit, ok. as much as i wouldnt want to believe in such woozy things, it's still scary to have your fortunes foretold in such grim detail. i do have my share of bad patches in life, but overall, i'd always thought i am already very fortunate. life is how you want to look at it anyway, and if i wanted to, i can always try to look for the silver lining amidst the stormy clouds.

my mom is pretty traumatised though, and to appease her, i have agreed to look for a new chinese name. it wont be anything official, no changing of ICs or anything, but i have to think of that new name as my own, and practice writing it or sth. the fun bit is that of all the suitable words picked out, i get to choose my own chinese name!

haha! how many of you have ever gotten to choose your own name? heck, i dont mean the english names you give yourself ok. pff.

i might have a lousy life, but i've still got beautiful milk chocolate nails