Dear Santa,

i've heard of this magnificent list that you make. the one that lists down the names of all the good kids and bad kids. i know i havent been entirely very good this year (depending on who you ask), but then i dont think you would wanna give me a lump of coal cos a lump of coal wouldnt be punishment as i can sell it off on ebay and make some money. i'd caption it like this:

"A Quality Product of Santa's Factory. It even has Santa's fingerprints on it!"

so you see, it's not a good idea to punish 'enterprising' (aka cunning) kids like me. i could suggest some things you could drop into my xmas stocking, but pls dont be mistaken; they wont make me happy. NOT AT ALL. because if i received any, or all (:D), of these things, i'd feel horribly guilty. in fact ill feel so horrible that it's actually a really effective form of punishment for all my badness this year.

and in a bid to be nice and make things easier for your execution, i've made a list, checked it twice and even categorised it.

1. material things i want which i can afford
2. material things i want which i cannot afford or would not pay for
3. non-material things which i highly doubt i will receive in a xmas stocking

i wont go into detail with #1 because it's self-explanatory. #3 seems like the sort of wishlist that can swing both ways. something that is altruistic and in line with the xmas spirit like "love and forgiveness for all mankind" or the self-centered "i hope Brad Pitt divorces her and marry me". maybe some day i will make a #3 list but right now it seems like a long drawn out affair and is probably gonna make me either very sorrowful or disproportionately optimistic.

that leaves us with #2. someday when i can justify spending the money for these things, i will get them. until then...

it's the season for giving isn't it? spreading joy to all people and all that jazz? Santa you agree with me dont you?

• a lifetime's worth of brazilian waxes
• the deed to my private island
• an mp3 player that is shock-proof so i can take it jogging and is so tiny that i can stuff it into the back of my jeans pocket. oh, and at least 5GB of space
• killer pointy-toed stilettos (at least 3 inches) that scream Corporate High-Flyer cum Femme Fatale ala The Apprentice. preferably in ostentatious faux crocodile or snake skin or patented. the more ra-ra, the better. such as these or these
• an iBook
• a cafeteria with leased tenants of MY choosing from hawker stalls to upscale restaurants. all my favourite foods under one roof!
• OSIM iSqueez
• a spa botanica retreat
• our old home
• my private library filled with the books i want to read
• a magic wand to match my angel's halo
• a proud kitty, frisky puppy and weird fishies

that's all i have for the moment. i think they'll just about fit into my ultra-large stocking for the time being... until i get a bigger stocking. Thanks Santa-baby! muacks!!

Love,
Win